(Photo Credit Cassandra Ursu)
By Cassandra Ursu
Growing up, when I heard someone had a miscarriage, it always seemed like an “almost,” like Aunt A almost had a baby. Then, one month after being married, I had my first miscarriage. I was then immersed into the world of grief, “what if,” and the reality that I did have a baby – a baby who was now in heaven. As Catholics, we believe life begins at conception. I now count my pregnancies while people count children they can see. When there was no outward sign of the life and loss that had occurred, I learned how isolating and confusing the world of infertility, miscarriage, and infant loss is for many women.
When I heard of these “almost” babies when I was growing up, I never heard about the grief and pain the mother, father, and siblings felt. I never knew that there were special prayers or masses that could be said. But now I do.
This June, our little Theresa Marie would be 5. But instead of celebrating a 5th birthday, on June 5th, my family and I attended the Archdiocese of Regina’s first Mass of Remembrance. After hearing of another woman’s first pregnancy ending in miscarriage, I reached out to the Archdiocese to see if there could be an annual mass for parents, grandparents, and siblings grieving the loss of their child gone too soon. I am thankful for the staff that coordinated this opportunity. It has been over a year since our third pregnancy, Josephine Chiara, ended in miscarriage, but the grief is still there.
Leah Perrault gave a beautiful reflection on how her family has lived the paschal mystery through the loss of their little Claire. Leah’s testimony shared the truth about infant loss that I never heard growing up. That this life, no matter how long or short, was designed by God from the beginning of time and is indeed a person enjoying eternal life.
It is a gift to have a child in heaven who intercedes for us and impacts our life on earth from an eternal perspective. We also had the opportunity to record the names of our children and important dates in a Book of Life. The Archdiocese has records of every Baptism, Confirmation, Marriage, and death. Now, there is a place that our children’s names are written down. It was healing to see the names of our daughters written down and counted; to see a tangible representation of their life within our faith community.
