By Holly Gustafson
Just last month, my youngest child turned 13 years old, which officially makes me the mom of two teenagers and three young adults. Long gone are the days of highchairs and diapers, bath time, and one more story before bed. My “kids” can make themselves (and the entire family) a meal, tuck themselves into bed at a reasonable time (or not), and get themselves to and from the activities that used to take up so much of our lives. In my naiveté, I really thought that this life stage, when my kids would have greater independence, would bring me less worry, since I’m no longer the one responsible for changing and dressing and feeding and bathing them.
But of course, as any parent of an older child knows, when we are less responsible for our children’s day-to-day activities, the worry doesn’t go away; we just worry about bigger things. We may not be up all night with a colicky baby who just won’t sleep, but instead, we’re up all night waiting for a teenager who hasn’t come home. The toddler who was suffering from a new tooth coming in becomes an adult suffering from depression or addiction. And what little control we may have had over our children’s behaviour when they were young slips away completely when they are adults and on their own.
Of course, my first instinct as I struggled with this new, worrisome life stage was to feel all alone. “I’m the only one struggling with these older kids,” I’d be tempted to think, usually while I was scrolling through social media, envying what looked like perfect families. “Everyone else has got it so together.”
But as I shared my own struggles with this transition into parenting older children, I realized soon enough that I was not alone; in fact, I was surrounded by parents whose own children were struggling with their faith, their mental health, and with the big, complicated choices that come with adolescence and adulthood. And all of us parents were feeling hopeless and helpless like there was so little we could do for our big kids as they learned to navigate their own adult lives.
So when my husband, James, and I decided to host an evening of adoration specifically designed for parents of teenage and adult children, with the help of Deacon Kevin Harty, we were doing the only thing we felt we could do for our kids: pray. On that first night, nearly 50 people showed up to say the rosary together and to spend time in quiet reflection praying for our children. I chose Our Lady, Undoer of Knots, as the patron saint of the event, knowing that we can entrust even the biggest tangles that we families of older children can find ourselves in, and Mary will unravel them for us, all in God’s time.
Since our first evening of adoration in January, we decided to host the event regularly at Christ the King Parish, on one Sunday every month. Our next Evening of Prayer for Parents of Teenage and Adult Children is at 7 pm on Sunday, May 14th, which also, providentially, happens to be Mother’s Day. On this special day, all parents who would like to come to pray for their children, and also those who are experiencing the heartbreak of infertility or perinatal loss, are invited to attend. For more information, email Holly at [email protected].
Holly Gustafson lives with her husband, James, and their five children, in Regina, where they attend Christ the King Parish. Holly received her Masters in Linguistics at the University of Manitoba, and now pursues her love of language through art, writing, public speaking, and unsolicited grammatical advice. The best advice she ever received was from her spiritual friend, St. Faustina, who told her that when in doubt, “Always ask Love. It advises best.”
