(Photo Credit PxHere)
By Melissa Gurash
The theme for this year’s World Day of the Sick is, “Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful” Luke 6:36.
My grandpa was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in the late 1990s. I recall my granny lamenting that he was doing some odd things. One of her treasured pastimes was gardening, one day when she went out to check on her garden, she was shocked to see that there was grass sprouting everywhere! My grandpa had thought he was being helpful, but in his confused state, he used grass seed instead of fertilizer on her garden. I can still recall to this day just how angry she was. I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was so heartbreaking to see his slow descent away from the world.
There were other unusual events. He began to very freely hand out money to strangers, he went out on an errand and became confused and lost. These and other similar incidents resulted in a decision to, for his safety place him in long-term care. It was quite obvious by all of the sticky note reminders on common items, such as ‘turn off the taps’ and such that he needed more care than my grandmother, in her aging years, could not provide.
This most difficult of decisions was actually the most merciful. Though it can often be a challenge, mercifully he had little difficulty adjusting to his new surroundings. For my grandpa, this new home quickly became normal.
It wasn’t entirely without its challenges. At home he had a favorite recliner, upon noticing a recliner in the common area, he became convinced it was his and would become frustrated if others were using it. Staff eventually conceded that forcing the issue would cause more trouble than necessary, and it was soon moved into his room.
He had a great view of nearby ball diamonds, and he loved watching the young people play ball. On our visits, he would happily share all sorts of stories of the games he observed. He was in his own world, and he was very content.
Visiting him was harder for the rest of us, I had a difficult time seeing him there. My grandpa was a large man, bigger than life and it took me aback to see him staring aimlessly out the window at an empty ball field and listening to him describe what he was seeing.
Still, I knew was that he was content and over time, I allowed myself to enter his world with him there, rather than trying to convince him that his reality was wrong. That was where mercy and compassion entered more deeply into our relationship. I had to be comfortable letting him live in this new world and listen to stories and recollections of things and not try to correct him. This wasn’t an easy task for my granny, she had a harder time not wanting to correct him and tell him that was wrong. With time and grace, she did get better at it.
Although this was hard for her, she never missed a visit. What I saw at that time was her merciful heart winning over the anger she had for ‘losing’ her husband, as she truly did feel left behind, and alone. What I observed in those few years before he passed was a loving wife, caring for a man she loved, visiting regularly and making sure he had the things he needed, even to the point of investing in a new recliner he could call his own, much to the joy of the other residents who were able to get their recliner back!
Later in her life, after he had passed, she too ended up in the same care home. This was very hard for her, all of the memories of her husband being there and dying there we hard for her to endure at first. We all made an effort to make sure she felt comfortable in this space. Mercy entered once again as she became a resident there when she encountered a chaplain that had a good connection with her.
Every February, our Church recognizes World Day of the Sick. Perhaps, as with me, this is a time when your own memories of those friends and family members who are currently ill, or who have passed, come to the surface. Today let us pray for the sick, and for those who care for them, that they experience God’s healing grace and an encounter with Christ’s mercy in their lives.
