It had been a busy spiritual weekend. My husband and I had given a talk on marriage to the Lay Ministry group, the boys had been at an Advent retreat all weekend, and we’d just got home from an afternoon reflection. Late Sunday evening, we were finally sitting down to a lovely supper (of frozen pizza and an unmarked container that I found at the back of the freezer that turned out to be spaghetti and meatballs) and almost the entire family was there (missing only one teenager, which is pretty good for us). I even had time to light the two candles on our wreath (for the first time this Advent) and read the prayer for the second week of Advent.
“That’s funny,” I thought to myself, “the prayer for the second week of Advent didn’t mention anything about the virtue of Faith.”
I found this odd, because I’d looked up the four virtues of Advent a thousand times before I gave a retreat last week (specifically on the four virtues of Advent), and then again before I wrote my reflection for the second week of Advent (a lovely reflection on prayer-filled faith), that I then diligently sent out to all of my retreat participants. And I’m sure I read that the virtue for the second week of Advent was Faith. It’s what I told everybody who had come out to my retreat, and it’s what I sent out to everybody on my e-mail list. The theme of the second week of Advent had to be Faith, right?
“No, mommy,” my two daughters informed my while eating their pizza, “the second week of Advent is Peace. It goes Hope, Peace, Joy, Love. Didn’t you see the giant “Peace” banner hanging up in church this morning?”
No, I had not seen the giant “Peace” banner hanging up in mass this morning, and apparently, when researching the four virtues of Advent for my four-part series specifically on the virtues of Advent, I’d found a less common list of virtues, that didn’t mention Peace at all. Oops.
I immediately laughed off my little mistake and got busy writing a new reflection on the official virtue of the second week of Advent, which is, apparently, Peace (and by “immediately laughed off my little mistake” I mean totally freaked out, and by “got busy writing a new reflection” I mean panicked, grabbed my laptop from my high schooler who was trying to finish his homework, and frantically started trying to come up with a brand new idea on a brand new virtue.)
“Why don’t you just write about this mistake?” suggested my wise husband who, in said wisdom, was hiding in the TV room watching football, drinking a beer, and trying to stay out of my path of panic.
And so, to make a long story short, the real virtue for this week is Peace in My Imperfection.
“My daughter, let nothing frighten or disconcert you. Remain deeply at peace. Everything is in My hands.”
These are the words that Jesus spoke to St. Faustina, and He might as well be saying them tonight. Don’t panic. Remain at peace. I’ve got this.
None of us really likes making mistakes, but some of us are particularly bad at accepting that we’re not perfect when we do (me). Generally, my first reaction to realizing I’ve done something wrong, messed up, or missed something, is panic. And I remember every mistake; I never let myself forget. Like the time I signed my daughter up for babysitting class, but forgot to take her. Or the Hallowe’en when I messed up on the time when my daughter’s dance class began, and she missed getting to go to class and dance in her squirrel costume. Or the time I showed up to a soccer game at the right place and the right time, but with the wrong child. Or the time I sent out a reflection on the wrong virtue to a whole bunch of people.
Responding in peace instead of panic means knowing that everything is in Jesus’ hands, despite my mistakes. And it means knowing that God’s will is here, even in my mistakes. And it means letting Him forgive me, and then forgiving myself too. At least that’s what peace means for me tonight.
Now I can go return my laptop to my high schooler so he can finish his homework. He’s going to be thrilled.
What is your initial reaction when you make a mistake (panic, anger, despair)? Is there any mistake in your past for which you still have not forgiven yourself, even though God has? Can you respond to this, or any of your mistakes, with Peace, trusting that all is in God’s hands, and that His will is present, even in your imperfections?
Holly Gustafson lives with her husband, James, and their five children, in Regina, where they attend Christ the King Parish. Holly received her Masters in Linguistics at the University of Manitoba, and now pursues her love of language through art, writing, public speaking, and unsolicited grammatical advice. The best advice she ever received was from her spiritual friend, St. Faustina, who told her that when in doubt, “Always ask Love. It advises best.”
